Hellgate Rollergirls

My obsession began in August of 2010 when I found out that Missoula had a roller derby league. I had never even seen the sport played, just heard that it was about a bunch of tough chicks knocking each other around on wheels. I grew up in Great Falls and skated as a kid at the local roller skating rink. I remember how much I loved skating. I have also been told by a lot of people that I am an intimidating person. Apparently I give some mean looks? I don’t know. I thought, “roller skating mixed with fists, elbows, and mean looks, I am soooo in.” I was so ready for this… and 8 months pregnant. Hey, this would give me time to come up with a game plan.

I broke the news to my fiancee. I wanted to be a Hellgate Rollergirl. He thought I was nuts. He was also kind of intrigued by the idea. He said I’d never do it and stick to it. He is a workout fanatic and I never, I mean NEVER, workout. In fact, I absolutely despise the gym. I have bought gym passes before and stopped going usually after the first one or two days of trying it. Little did he know, if it is something that I really want, I always stick to my guns.

I broke the news to my brother. He was on my side, completely. I don’t know if he thought that I’d be good at the sport, or the fact that I roughed him up for most of his life had him thinking that he could finally see his sister get knocked around is what did it. At any rate, I had my own cheerleader. He bought me the movie “Whip It,” I can’t even tell you how many times we watched it and best of all, he worked on my fiancee for me.

I spent the next 5 months breastfeeding and chasing my other two toddlers around between chaotic shopping missions on the hunt for fishnets tights and leg warmers. And then finally, Christmas arrived. I noticed that there weren’t any boxes big enough to hold roller skates lying under the tree and I was starting to get kind of bummed. Then my fiancee handed me a small card and inside was my golden ticket… a gift certificate to the Bike Doctor, our locally owned and operated bike/roller derby shop. I yelled, “ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS?!!” In a good way, of course. I was ecstatic!

My brother came down to the Bike Doctor with me to help watch the kids while I tried on skates. I stood up on the skates and thought I was going to eat it immediately so I told the shop guys that I might just do that. They laughed and said that it wouldn’t be the first time. What a relief. I decided to get the first pair I tried on and they set me up with everything else that I needed to get started. I was ready to go! I went home and skated around my super tiny kitchen for a few very sketchy and dangerous laps, complete with moving obstacles and everything. I knew then that I was going to love this.

I remember emailing this girl named Kitty Bellicose to find out if I could just come down to any practice or if I had to wait for the meeting they had once a month with interested girls. I wanted to start right now. What good was a pair of skates sitting on my counter staring at me going to do? Kitty informed me that I could attend the next Fresh Meat practice and that is exactly what I did. I went into the practice about 15 minutes early to get all of my stuff on and I remember asking the girls if any of them were really bad on skates because I hadn’t been skating in years. I got some really dirty looks and I thought oh boy, this is a tough crowd. Then another girl informed me that it was her first time too if that made me feel any better. I was so relieved. We partnered up and skated horribly together. It was a blast. We did these side stepping drills all the way down the warehouse tossing a water bottle back and forth and I probably didn’t laugh that hard in ages. Maggie and I were a damn good team. We did pace line drills where we had an arms’ length from the girls in front and behind us and we would weave in and out of the line. Some of those girls were really good and fast and I was just concentrating on not knocking down any of the girls in the pace line. Oh, and did I mention that the whole time we were practicing we were squatting? Yes, this is your derby stance, a full squat. And then we capped the practice off with this thing called the circle of pain. All of the girls formed a circle in the middle of the track. Each girl picked out something to do like sit-ups, push-ups, squats, leg lifts, and we did each of them 30 times. I remember cursing the third girl in a row to do abs. I knew that if my fiancee was there, he would be proud. I woke up the next morning feeling on top of the world and hurting bad. I was hooked.

The next couple practices gave me much more stability on my feet. I was, so to speak, getting my “skate legs” back. It was sometime around then that I asked when we would start hitting girls and was told that there were no fists or elbows allowed in derby. To do that would be a MAJOR penalty. I thought at that time that Major was an adverb… oooooo…. a MAAAAJJJOOORRR penalty. What in the heck was that? Hahaha… Now I know better, that when I make a team, they will be majorly pissed if I get too many major penalties. I was told that hip checks and sternum checks were legal hits in derby. Knowing that there were no fists and elbows made me think that I could possibly play a whole bout and not get knocked unconscious, and that made me even more excited for roller derby.

They say that the more practice you get, the better you will be and they are right. I could actually feel myself making progress pretty quickly. I made every practice that I could, working around a hectic schedule. We started learning how to form walls and skate in a pack. I don’t think any fresh meaties really knew what the heck was going on including me. It was so chaotic… someone would yell, “WATERFALL,” and we would all look around at each other wondering what in the hell that meant. To me we looked like a bunch of lost drunken sheep. I could only imagine what we looked like to our well-seasoned coaches. As time went on, it all started to come together. We formed walls when we were told, we learned what waterfall meant.

It’s been four months since I joined the league. I should be able to test up to team level by the end of this month if I make all of the scrimmage practices from here on out. I am now trying to get every girl I talk to join the league. If not to test onto a team, the workout is phenomenal. My fiancee (workout fanatic) actually tells his firefighter buddies that we impress the heck out of him. He was shocked when he came in to watch us skate around for two hours doing drills, all the while holding a squat. It baffles him! That says a lot coming from him, trust me.

I have talked to a lot of girls, most approached me, who seemed really interested in joining the rollergirls. I don’t think a single one of them actually came to check it out. It is unfortunate that many of them are missing out. I thought that this sport would be a fist and elbow sport before I was actually filled in. It is not like that. I thought I’d get here and the girls would be racing circles around me. Some of them were but the majority of these women could barely stand up on skates when they started, including me. You are not thrown into bouts before you are ready. You need to come to practice and test up regularly to be placed on a team. These coaches are good and they make sure that you have your skills down before they pass you. You will not be thrown to the wolves. When you start scrimmaging with team girls, they are aware that you are new and they will take it easy on you. These ladies want you to succeed and make it onto a team and they will do everything that they can to get you there safely.

Did I mention that I never thought I’d ever meet such a unique, down-to-earth, devoted, sometimes wild and crazy, hard-hitting, and passionate group of women in my life? These women are strong in every sense of the word. We have Nurses, Sales Women, Dental Hygienists, Mothers, Lawyers, Accountants, Business Owners, Horticulturists, Graphic Designers, Seamstresses, and much more. There is a bond that goes along with being a rollergirl that starts from the first day you step in that door, tighten up those laces, put on those pads, snap on that helmet and bite down on that mouth guard. It is the one thing that unites each and every women in the league. The love for the sport of roller derby. It is because of each and every one of these women and their love for roller derby, that this league is able to pull off so many successful fundraising events. And did I mention how much fun goes into these events? The Hellgate Rollergirls come together to help each other, our wonderful community, and the league grow. Become a part of the league and I guarantee that you will be a changed woman. To do Roller Derby is to Live.

Knuckle Slambitch #56

I walk into a warehouse on the Northside/Westside of Missoula, MT on a random Monday in October. The only reason I am walking into this warehouse is because my husband brought me home a flier and a tee shirt, both emblazoned with the Hellgate Rollergirls logo. “You should go check this out”. I glanced at them over the pots on the counter that is soon to be dinner for my three children, my husband and myself. I had just gotten off work, where I am a state and government employee. I think to myself, yeah, right, like I have time to do anything.

I make it though. I go to that random address, that random warehouse to see what this is all about. I, of course, had heard of the Rollergirls in Missoula. I had appreciated their efforts from afar, never actually attending their events or meeting one of the girls. I walk in and can hear the sound of Velcro ripping, women chatting and laughing and I freeze. What the hell am I doing here? I have always been somewhat of a wallflower, a watcher but never a part-taker. This must have been obvious because soon a tiny little thing screeches over to me, asks if it’s my first night, “yes” I reply, then she leads me to a rack of skates and soon I am outfitted with a helmet, wrist guards, elbow pads, knee pads and the skates.

I think to myself, ok, I’ve done this before, (20 years ago), must be like riding a bicycle. I stand up attempt to move forward, down I go. I get back up, embarrassed that I cannot stand and try again; still the same result. Down I go. Soon the woman who approached me first comes over, steadies me, takes me to the side and says, “Ok, lets get started”. I explain my skating history, my blue, glittery one-piece suit, my white skates with red wheels that had my name engraved on them. My ability to skate frontward, backward, in circles, etc. She just looks at me and lead me forward. I keep faltering, falling, getting back up, sweating, falling, etc. All she says to me is “Don’t worry, I’ve got you”.

Nine months later I can stay upright, I can even jump over boxes while on my skates. The women, who all seemed so advanced and intimidating, are now my friends. I proudly display my Hellgate Rollergirls bumper sticker on my car, proudly tell other people that, yes, I am a Roller Girl. The only downfall in this whole event, (aside from lots of tears, a broken wrist and time spent just watching) is that the one person who “had me” is no longer with our league, having left to pursue other adventures and experiences.

I would never trade that first night for anything, and thank Bitty Bitch for everything she said and didn’t say, for everything she stood for, for everything that all of the women skating and involved with the Hellgate Rollergirls stand for, for all the sacrifices made to get to where I am, to the other women sacrificing in their own ways to be here. It all comes around, or in our case, rolls around.

Bonn-a-Villain T120R

A look behind the scenes at the Hellgate Rollergirls, the evolution of a rollergirl, and roller derby in general, sprinkled with random thoughts on life.

Anything You Can Do, I Can…Try?

I walked into the Herbst Pavilion in San Francisco, saw a PBR sign over a make-shift bar, and headed for it. I had decided to check out this thing called roller derby, but I was flying solo and feeling a bit out of place. Everyone at the event had more colorful hair, more piercings and tattoos, and much hipper clothing than me. I mean, I didn’t consider myself a total nerd, but was freshly a year out of law school. Not exactly a hotbed of alternative subculture.

With the familiar feel of a cold, sweaty can of PBR in my hand, I tried to look like I belonged,and found a seat. There weren’t many options – a few bleachers, some metal folding chairs,and lots of people sitting on the floor. And this crowd did not look like the kind of fans you wanted to upset by taking someone’s spot or blocking their view. I’m no mouse, but I know when to play nice.

Suddenly music started blaring, something menacing with a lot of bass. The lights dimmed a bit, and girls started rolling out onto the track. A whole team of them,wearing army green mini-dresses. They rolled around the track in an intimidating pack, crouched low and fearless. As I watched them warm up, I got goosebumps. They were as fluid as silk, yet formidable as a brick wall. Their skating looked effortless, nothing like my clumsy parking lot adventures. When they exited the track, they approached their team bench at breakneck speed, dropping to a knee or spinning around at the last minute to drop gracefully into a chair. In short, they looked really frickin’ cool. I fell into a girl crush on the entire team. That was the ShEvil Dead, of San Francisco.

The Oakland Outlaws warmed up next, and were equally impressive. By all rights, I should have been cheering for them since I actually lived in Oakland. But the ShEvil Dead already had me at hello, so I guiltily cheered for them. Also, they had the lead for most of the bout and ended up winning.

ShEvil Dead playing the Oakland Outlaws

The bout itself was about like any other roller derby bout fora first-timer: a total blur. “What is going on? What just happened? Is that legal? Why did she get sent to the penalty box?” I frantically switched between watching the action and consulting the basic rules explained in my program, trying to be inconspicuous about it so I didn’t look like too much of a newb. Also, I sidled closer to people who obviously knew what was going on and were explaining it to their friends. Through snatches of conversation and the roller derby for dummies in the program, I kind of pieced it together. Or at least at the time I thought I did. I knew who the jammers were and that they scored the points – that’s pretty much it, right?

(This would be an illegal elbow –PENALTY BOX!!)

At half-time the place emptied. I looked around, puzzled. I followed the crowd toward a big open door, and discovered where all the smokers in the Bay Area had been hiding. They were all roller derby fans. Since I had moved to San Francisco, I had become convinced that, seriously, no one in the Bay Area smoked cigarettes. No one. I had moved there with a guilty habit of sneaking one or two here and there, but without the fun of having someone to join me, I had pretty much lost interest.

Well, here they were. The bout was in a pavilion that jutted out into the bay like a pier, sounded on three sides by water.The pavilion itself was surrounded by hundreds of smokers, puffing an collective cloud of carcinogens out into the beautiful evening. For a minute, it was like being home again – PBR and cigarettes reminding me of every bar in Missoula, (this was just before Montana banned smoking in bars).

I bummed a smoke and struck up a conversation with a redhead who told me she actually played roller derby, and had just moved to the Bay Area from someplace in the midwest. Let’s just say her name was Roxy Soxoff. (Not this Roxy R. Soxoff, who skated for Souix Falls . No, a different Roxy Soxoff. Maybe someone forgot to check the International Master Roller Derby Roster.) Anyway, this Roxy said she was planning to join the Bay Area Derby Girls. She seemed amazingly nice. She insisted I come to the after party and even told me to meet her out front afterward for a ride. Suh-weet! This was getting cooler by the minute.

We headed back in for the rest of the bout, where she introduced me to some of the girls working at the bar and merchandise tables. We parted ways for a bit, so after the bout, I bought a bunch of BAD Girls merch and headed out into the cool night. I hung around and waited for my new friend, trying to discourage the numerous intoxicated dudes who also wanted to be my new friend. I was just about to give up when I saw her heading out with a couple of other girls.

“Roxy! Roxy!! Hey!” I flagged her down, and then realized that between half time and now, she had lost her ability to walk in a straight line. In other words, she was wasted. She looked at me like she was trying to remember who I was.“Are you still going to that party?” “Oh! Yeah, yeah, but my car is totally full now, so sorry! You should check with those other girls I introduced you to, they might have some room. You should still totally come though! Sorry!” With that, she turned and staggered away with her friends. Huh. Oh well. That sounded like a fun adventure, but that was a car I probably didn’t want to be in, anyway.

My first lesson in derby culture – there’s a fine line between fun and too much fun. In derby, you can quickly cross it without realizing it. We like to have fun. A lot of fun. PBR sponsors many roller derby leagues, including ours here in Missoula. Jack Daniels should. We never mix drinking & skating, but after the skates come off…well, all bets are off. What happens at the after party, stays at the after party.

Now I power-walked the streets of San Francisco, hurrying to get back to BART before the last train at midnight. I could have cabbed it, but a long walk sounded good. I was disappointed in my first “derby friend,” but my mind was racing from the bout itself. I wanted, really wanted,to be a rollergirl. My Inner Rollergirl argued with my Logical Self as I hiked through dark streets in North Beach and Chinatown.

Inner Rollergirl: “I want to be a rollergirl. I could do that!” Logical Self: “Self, that’s crazy.” Inner Rollergirl: “But why not? If they can do it, why couldn’t I?” Logical Self: “Because you are five feet tall, don’t know how to skate, and you’re moving back to Missoula in a month where there is no such thing as roller derby. Not even a roller rink.” Inner Rollergirl: “There’s gotta be a way. I could start one.” Logical Self: “Whatever. You don’t know the first thing about it.” Inner Rollergirl: “Well, maybe I’ll learn then.”

Inner Rollergirl got the last word that night.
And boy, did I learn.

Next installment: You can’t rollerskate in a buffalo herd.

***Training for Derby? Coach Vipe’s Tip of the Week:
Roller Derby consists of alternating intense bursts of speed, abrupt stops, falls, and recoveries for up to two minutes per jam. You get 30 second breaks between jams, but 30 seconds FLIES by – there is no time to sit down or even leave the track if you are staying in the game for the next jam.
To get the most out of your off-skates training, try to simulate the conditions of a bout. Sprints are key – your heart and lungs and muscles have to be conditioned for explosive power when needed. This goes for both blockers and jammers. Jammers may be the speed demons, but remember, blockers have to catch the opposing jammers.
Work on 10 second sprints, starting like a cannon and running as fast as you can. Stay low to work your back and legs like you would skating. At the end, drop and do a couple of push-ups or burpees (to simulate a fall and recovery), and then jog back easy. Repeat this at least 10times, and gradually increase the length of your sprints. Studies show that 20 minutes of interval training (short bursts of high speed alternating with low to moderate activity) is more effective than 40 minutes of steady, moderate activity. Specifically, it achieves better cardio conditioning and burns more calories, especially fat.

Til Next Time…
Viperella #327 Co-Founder HGRG

Derby Life Lesson of the Week:You are only as strong as the weakest player on your team. If you want to win, build everyone around you up first.

Vipe eyeing PBR, pre-bout.Photo by Kurt Wilson

Skaters get ready for out next training event, Hell Camp!

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Welcome to the Hellgate Rollergirls Blog.